Freedom Neva' Looked so good!!
Why is this such an all up in your face, all up in my grill, cheesin' hard type of picture.LOL! Did I just type that, yes I did. I have a little bit of sass, swag.....(for those that know me, laugh as usual, because I know just how dorky I am)...In a fun way of course. Anyway, this picture represents a girl, who finally feels good enough about herself to smile, and smile BIG! I am 36 here....mighty long time to feel good about yourself, RIGHT? Except that it happens that way in life...sometimes.
I lost my desire to smile somewhere along the line due to stress, low self-esteem, struggles of being a single mom, UNHEALTHY relationships that included emotional, mental and some physical abuse, lack, financial difficulties....(you probably get the picture). I went through the ringer more times than I care to think about. My story is not unique , but I admit, I never saw myself as strong and determined. You could say that even as an adult, I didn't know any better. My sense of reality became warped by fantasies created by watching way too much TV, along with a desire to hide from chidlhood secrets that almost bloomed into adult sefl-destruction.
I was good at hiding what was really going on inside of me..(SOMETIMES). It's easy to do when you are known for being quiet and shy, but holding in hurt, shame, confusion, depression and hopelessness will lead you quickly down a dark and destructive path. In 2001, I was introduced to Joy Ministries who introduced me to Jesus. Now at first I thought, this is what I need to help me get over my mess. That feeling would quickly fade away into years of back and forth because I did not truly understand salvation and love, or better yet God's love. I felt like a Christian life would be a life of rules that I would have trouble keeping and therfore I would go to hell anyway; I felt it would be a boring life of church, church and nothing but church. But I didn't become truly set free in 2001, or I would have realized just how truly beautiful and full of joy a life in Christ would mean. It took a few years, and maybe it was because I was more broken than I realized or maybe the enemy did not want me to be set free because there was a mighty purpose ahead for me.
2012 began my journey into really being set free and transformed, though not easy. Physically I wasn't at my best from years of stress, etc, . I wanted better, I wanted happy. An opportunity presented itself, so I left my position as a Medical Assitant to pursue it. It fell completely apart, and so did I. I bounced back in time, and began to realize that I was going through a time of testing to reveal my true heart so that I could rid myself of the bad and truly walk into all the plans that are purposed for my life. I couldn't go into that purpose being a wimp, afraid, doubtful, feeling low of myself and having a true lack of faith. Standing in faith is hard, but so worth it when you see results. How do you go from broken to becoming a business owner, full of hope? That takes boldness, confidence, knowing truly who you are and not being afraid to pursue your dreams and passions. How did I learn to smile again...I was set free from lies, my past, chains and bondage, and I realized just how loved and forgiven I am.
I CAN SMILE AGAIN!